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When I talk to dads who come to iKidz, the main problem that everyone encounters at home is the disobedience of their children.

This is usually associated with the performance of homework, to discipline around order, to cleaning, the schedules, manners, etc.

It is clear that no one wants a disobedient child, constantly questioning what his parents ask him to do, but we don't want “baby boy” children either, that they always do everything without question, that they do not question anything and that they are not able to make their own decisions, because tomorrow this attitude towards life will be counterproductive.

Get a child to obey us and at the same time listen to their initiatives, your tastes and opinions is a difficult point to find. So in today's post, I leave you 10 keys to trying to reach this point.

1. Love and good relationships are key. Both at home and in class, affection and good relationships must reign. Make no mistake, children ignore out of fear, children listen not to break the harmony and retain the affection of the people they admire: his parents and teachers.
2. Be careful with the way you give the orders. When you explain something to your children and give them an "order", you must make sure to comply with the following premises:
   • Do not shout orders from a distance and from another room. When you explain something to your child it is essential that you do it while being close to him. Always looking into his eyes and, as far as possible, in a loving way, with a kind and reasonable tone, but always firmly.
   • Do not repeat the orders a thousand times. Repeating an order over and over will not make your son or daughter comply. The best way to get the little ones to comply with an order is by establishing a consequence. "Brush your teeth or you don't keep watching TV". They must be clear and precise orders, in which you use few words and are easy for the child to understand.
3. Parents should not overrule each other. This is a fundamental point if you want your children to pay attention to you. If there is something you do not agree on, discuss it among yourselves and never in the presence of your little ones. If for example mom punishes, dad arrives and lifts the punishment, then the authority will not be clear and, therefore, the rules neither. Further, at the moment in which children begin to control how this disavowal works, manipulate parents to achieve their goals.
4. Make sure your little one has understood. On occasion it may happen that your little one has not understood what to do and therefore does not obey. A good way to make sure that they understand you is to ask them to repeat what you have just explained.. This way there will be no room for misunderstandings.
5. Complex orders. When dealing with complex orders or those with several steps, ask the little ones to list these steps and explain the process they must do. This way you will ensure that they comply with the entire process that you have requested.
6. The "because" does not work. With children, reasoning is essential. You must explain the why of things and the reasons why they should do a certain task. Obviously do not "mess" with endless explanations, but always accompany each order with an explanation.
7. Don't threaten in vain. Many times children do not comply with the orders that are asked because they know that there will be no consequences. If you threaten the child with a certain punishment, carry it out, otherwise it is better that you do not threaten him. When you do not comply with the threats, you are losing credibility and that will have its long-term consequences..
8. Motivation and praise are essential. From my point of view, motivation and praise are more important, even, that the punishment. It is essential that your child is motivated, let him feel that you support him, that he is capable of doing everything he sets his mind to and that if he complies with what you have asked him, he will have a reward (it doesn't have to be material, can be social or verbal).
9. Highlight progress. Closely related to the previous point is this. It is essential that we set small goals that the little ones meet and that we highlight the progress they are making. Although they have not exactly fulfilled the task that we had entrusted to them, it is important that we tell them things like: "Today you have done much better than yesterday", "You are improving a lot", "Keep it up", "You can".
10. No negative messages. Avoid negative messages like "You don't do anything right", "You are worth nothing", "You never obey", "You're bad"… It is also important that you do not compare your children with each other. Everyone is different and comparisons can often be counterproductive.

I hope these 10 tricks are useful to them. Next week I will leave you a post with some keys on how to punish if it is necessary to do so.

Thanks for being there!

“A child educated only in school is an uneducated child.”

George Santayana

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Tags: attitude, aggressiveness, behavior, Disobedience, Motivation, Rules, Obedience, Orders, Rules

This entry was posted on Monday, May 30th, 2016 at 10:03 am and is filed under Means. You can follow any comments to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a comment, or trackback from your own site.